How to kill yourself

So you’re depressed. I’ve been there before. You feel like you’re at your lowest and as long as you can remember its been like that. You are so sad, or perhaps you’ve bypassed the sadness and now you just feel numb. You feel like the only option is to just stop existing. Well he’s a tutorial for you.

Step 1: Decide what you hate about yourself

I suggest making a physical list that you can look at and hold.

Step 2: Rank them in order to the most hated to the least hated.

It’s also helpful to categorize them in different ways. Social habits, personal habits, family relationships, or other kinds.

Step 3: Pick the the top 5 traits you hate

Step 4: Start working on them

Start trying to erase them from your life. If it’s your body image, start eating a more structured diet and getting more exercise. If it’s lack of friends, they try joining social sites and reaching out online. If it’s how you never go out, try going to a small local event or a restaurant.

Step 5: Get help from others

I highly recommend seeing a professional of some kind, whether that be a doctor, psychiatrist, or nutritionist. But if you can’t afford it, look to the internet! There are a million video tutorials on how to meditate, do yoga, redecorate your house,  learn a new skill, paint or draw, make friends, get a job, anything!

Step 6: Congratulations, you’ve killed yourself!

You’ve killed the old you. The one that was living a life that was making you sad, acting in a way that didn’t help you get better. Now this process is a lot longer than actually killing yourself, but the benefits are endless! Actually, they are literally endless because if you stay alive, you can do anything with your life. If you end it now, it’s over. It’s done. There is no rest or break from life, there is no solving your problems, it’s just over. Nothing. But if you stay alive, there are so many opportunities. You just have to kill yourself first.

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