How to be in a modern long-term relationship

People love to complain about how people “these days” are all stupid, absent minded idiots with short attention spans and an inability to commit. Especially when it comes to dating, the cool thing to post about is how shallow dating apps are and how social media is ruining human connection. But I’m going to tell you a little secret: you’re absolutely wrong, you’re just lazy.

I’m sorry but it’s true. All of the reasons you complain about dating apps are the same reasons they are so popular. They’re quick, easy, and straight to the point. But that doesn’t mean that the modern romantic relationship is ruined for everyone. It is very possible to find a perfectly happy relationship you just have to LOOK.

So I’ve been in a relationship now for 6 years, so I feel like that gives me the tiny authority to give advice on how to enter a relationship in this day and age. I’m by no means an expert, but I am living proof that Tinder hasn’t single handedly ruined romance.

First bit of advice is basically you reap what you sow. If you are using dating apps or meeting people are clubs, the chances of you finding a real relationship is much lower than if you don’t do those things. Especially true if you don’t even bother to write on your profiles or put it out there that you’re looking for something more concrete. I’m not saying it’s impossible (in fact, my cousin’s current relationship began on Tinder) but if you don’t make the effort to clarify your intentions with the app, then you’re more likely to be disappointed. There are also many dating sites that are specifically more aimed at long term relationships than others, so being very selective with the services you use is also smart.

Along the same lines, it’s important to specify what kind of relationship you want early on. I’m not saying your third message should claim that either marry you or don’t text back, but it’s important to be honest. Nick and I were dating for about 2 months before we started talking about what kind of relationship we wanted. Luckily we both are the type to only really have serious relationships and dating around doesn’t appeal to either of us. There are a million ways you can bring this up without it sounding crazy. But this also leads me to my next point.

You have to be extremely brave. This is definitely not a new development to dating, but it seems like it is because there are so many other alternatives. You just have to look at it as what is the worst that could happen. If you do just buck up and have that awkward conversation you could either lose that person in your life or you end up on the same page and can move forward confidently. The worst thing that can happen is someone who you wouldn’t end up with anyways possibly leaves your life. If anything it’s efficient.

Basically, at the end of the day, it’s about asking for what you want. There are 7 billion people on this earth, I can almost promise you that there is someone out there that is looking for almost exactly the same thing as you are. It just is going to a little more tricky than swiping right a couple times. But considering all the complaints about about how lazy this generation is, it seems like this is exactly what people want.

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